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Saturday, June 12, 2010

I am a rockstar!

Yes, as you can tell I am super proud of myself.  It has been a long time since I have felt this proud of myself so Im shouting it out to anyone that will listen!!

Exercise is a new and big part of my life.  Ive started a walk to run program that gets me to the gym 3-4 times a week  And surprisingly I LOVE it.  Well while Im actually on the treadmill, I dont love it so much.  In fact Im often swearing in my head and if anyone could hear me I might get some evil looks.  What I do love is how it makes me feel.  I feel amazing.  What a feeling of accomplishment it is when I step off that treadmill and am sticky and sweaty and look afright...probably smelly too.  But I know that I did it.  I earned all that sweat and Im making myself healthier every time I get on there!

It is something that is important to me and I make the time for it.  I have a long term goal of climbing Katahdin next summer.  Ive just added a shorter term goal of running a 5K this fall. 

I got myself some new sneakers....cuz we all know new sneakers make us run faster  :o)  I got myself some workout clothes and keep some in the car, so I never have an excuse not to go to the gym.  Thursday I forgot socks...and the ones I had worked in all day were not quite what I wanted to run in.  So I left work, made a special trip to Kmart, got me some socks and went to the gym.  Yippee for me!  I'm not making excuses anymore.  Instead Im making time for me.  Im happier, healthier and well there is some nice eye candy at the gym that makes it worth it some days :o)

My weight loss is slow.  It is supposed to be.  They tell me I am right on track.  Im doing great and am where I should be.  I want it off now!  Im trying to be patient.  16 pounds is nothing to turn my nose up at.  It is a significant amount.  And I am proud of it.  Ive dropped my BMI by several points already.  I feel great.  My clothes are starting to fit looser.  Everything is going in the right direction. 

So if you see a crazy girl at the gym, sweaty, singing to herself, giving all she's got.  That just may be me.  And if she is smiling it is because she is damn proud of herself.  She has made a big change in her life and she is sticking to it.  She still has a loooooong way to go.  Baby steps. The longest journey starts with a single step.  But SHE IS DOING IT!!!

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Back to Work

On Friday I saw my surgeon for my 2 week post op visit.   Officially I have lost 9 lbs!  Yippee for me.  I was given the green light to go back to work without restrictions and to start my exercise program again.  Everything looks great and Im progressing as I should.  I will return to see Dr. McKee again in 4 weeks at which time we will decide if I need a fill or not.  A fill is when they add saline through a port I have under my skin.  The saline fills the band and makes it a little tighter.  More restriction makes you feel fuller.  I don't have any in there yet.  Initially the restriction you get is from the inflammation from the surgery.  As long as I continue to lose weight at 1-2 lbs a week and am feeling full and satisfied they keep me where I am.  If not they add a little saline. 

Well this weekend Im back to work.  The working part is easy.  However, Im used to eating when Im here.  A lot.  Every place  has food in a hospital.  There is alway cake for someone's birthday, or cookies for some appreciation week, or just because someone felt like bringing something in.  There is even a candy drawer in the ER.  An entire drawer full of  lots and lots of candy.  Aghhhh!!! There is food everywhere!  It is also very very slow this weekend, so I have a lot of downtime.  I used to fill that downtime with eating. 

I feel hungry.  It is probably because I am bored.  It may also be because Im losing that inflammation post surgery and I don't have as much restriction any more.  I still feel full, but Im finding it takes just a little more to eat for me to feel that way. 

Im proud of myself, though.   I brought food with me to work for the weekend.  I haven't had any of those yummy snacks I keep seeing all over the hospital.  I haven't even ventured down to the cafeteria.   Im eating more, but Im eating what I brought, so I know its good for me.  Yippee me!  So Im sticking with it, getting healthy!!

This week....Excercise!!!!!!

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Confession time

Time for a confession.  You may be shocked, horror struck....you may laugh until you pee your pants...your jaw may drop...or you just might understand.

I chewed a piece of bacon and spit it out! 

It smelled so darn good.  I knew my belly wasnt ready for meat yet.  I took a tiny tiny piece of a piece and chewed it and chewed it and oh my gosh it was yummy!!!!!  Then I spit it out.  

Okay confession over

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Ups and Downs

I had a few rough days.  I woke up feeling well, but after lunchtime I had some nausea that would last until bedtime.  Because of the nausea, I ate less than I was already eating...which wasnt much.  Thursday morning it had reached its peak and I vomitted.  Yikes!!!!  Vomitting is bad with Lap Band.  It can cause the band to slip which is bad news.  Needless to say a was a little freaked out!  3 days of nausea and now an episode of vomitting.  Of course my thoughts went to the worst right away.

I called the Bariatric Center in tears and spoke with the nurse.  Dramamine and rest were her orders and to EAT MORE!  Woo hoo!!!!  Eat more?!?  I wasnt eating enough, the nausea I was feeling was a combination of not having enough calories/nutrients etc and being hungry.  But because I had the nausea I didnt eat.  Big vicious circle.  I don't think anyone has ever told me to eat more  :o)  

So that's what I did.  I had some greek yogurt, I took some Dramamine and I went to bed.  I woke up and I ate some more.  I felt like a new person the next morning!  Who knew??  :o)  Obviously not me.  So now Im eating more and feeling soooooo great!  

Ive been able to add some more foods to my list.  I can actually chew a few things now!!  Yippee!  Scrambled eggs,  some fruits and veggies.  I had cucumbers this weekend.  Yum yummm.  I am feeling a lot more like myself again.  Thank goodness.  I guess I didnt realize how bad I was feeling.  I was tired and groggy, upset easily.  All because I wasnt eating enough.  Well problem solved!!

The great thing is that although I am eating more frequently, I still only need a small amount of food and I feel satisfied. 

So for those of you wondering if its working......it sure is!!!  By my scale at home Ive lost about 8 lbs in about a week and a half.  Ill have my official 2 week post op weigh in on Friday when I meet with the surgeon.  The goal is to lose 1-2 pounds a week.  Just like with any other weight loss program/diet.  It is healthiest to lose it slow and steady.  The first few weeks will be more, but I should settle into the 1-2 lbs a week by week 4 or 5.  Healthy lifestyle here I come!!

Monday, April 26, 2010

A few rough days

So post surgically Im doing great!  No more pain meds...just a little Ibuprofen here and there.  I have a very small and managable amount of pain.

However  I want to eat something real.  Im tired of mushy, squooshy dont have to chew anything food.  Im tired and frustrated and I know that part of it is I am not getting enough calories.  I ate about 600 calories yesterday.  Yep not good!  Ill be lucky if I get to that today.  No wonder Im feeling crappy.  Tired, achey muscles, blah. So I need to take better control of what I am eating. 

I went to the grocery store tonight and stocked up on healthy things that will make me feel a little bit better.  I got canned pears and peaches! (Yep I know the fresh ones are so much better for me, but they arent squooshy enough...so I have to compromise for now! )  I got things to make smoothies ( and Ill add my Greek yogurt to get extra protein in)  I got yogurt.  I got things that I will feel satisfied with.....I hope.    Oh and applesauce.  Woo hoo applesauce!

I think Im in need of some potassium as well.   I think thats why my muscles are achey.  Bananas here I come.  Squishy bananas, but still....potassium.

I stopped by the Bariatric center today to pick up a few ProStats.  They are little "squirts" of 15g of protein you can add to things.  While I was there I said  " Im day 5 and Im hungry!  Is there anything else I can eat?"
I got " Have you read your book?" (the golden guide to Lap Band before during and after)
me....yes I read the book
her...well its all in there (granted...she was nice about it)
me...you dont have any magic words?
her...no magic words...just stick with it...this is the hard part
me...so I cant move on to the next stage and eat more yet
her...nope not yet...you will just cause problems you don't want to have
me...okay...I knew that...I just needed someone to tell me NO

So I went to GNC and got some more flavors of protein drink....yummy yummy (NOT)  I feel like such a poser walking into GNC.  As soon as you enter there are posters and big cut outs of all the big beefy muscley...is that a word?...men and beautiful thin trim women.  The guy behind the counter is like 22 with huge biceps and here I come....Um...I need some Isopure Plus please.   I almost feel like I just don't belong in there.  But hey...I dont really care what the guy behind the counter thinks of me.  Maybe he thinks...hey good for her!  But im my mind I hear....What the heck does she think she is doing in here.  Holy COW!  But either way...I get what I need and go on my merry way!

I found this website that lets me track all my food.  It counts up my protein and carbs and calories and well pretty much everything.  It's great.

So my goals for tomorrow are
   Track all my foods....know exactly what Im putting in!
   Drink more milk....protein and yummy
   Eat more frequently and get a good amount of calories in...healthy calories!
   Stick with it!  and dont push it!!

Everyone said the surgery was the easy part.  They were right.  This is the pits!  But Im moving toward a healthy me...with my tummy grumbling all the way...but Im moving!!!!

Saturday, April 24, 2010

I did it!

Surgery was Thursday and it went very well!.  They treated me great, took super care of me and gave me the good drugs  :o)  My biggest complaint so far.  Im hungry! Today is the first day that my stomach has been growling.  Im going to try some potato soup....very thin potato soup.  So far it has been broth, a few bites of jello, more broth and a yogurt last night.  Oh and of course my protein drinks.  I was amazed that I couldnt even finish my yogurt last night because I felt full!!! 

Today is the first day I feel like myself again.  Could be because I stopped taking the narcotics they gave me for pain.  They took the pain away all right, but also made me so sleepy and groggy.  Now that Ive switched over to ibuprofen,  Im up and moving more and feeling much better. 

So liquids this week.  Next week...scrambled eggs and applesauce!  Ive never looked forward to eggs so much in my life!!!  I think Im going to head outside today with my book and enjoy the beautiful weather.

I did it!  I did it!  The big scary part is over.   Now its the lifestyle changes.  Im up for the challenge and excited and ready.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010


Tomorrow is the day!  Ive been super nervous all day.  My tummy has been doing little flips and flops.  Im thinking too much about it.  I think the thing that gets me the most is that this is an optional surgery.  Ive had surgery in the past, but they have all been necessary and this is elective.  I am choosing to put myself on that OR table tomorrow.  In my brain I know everything will be just fine.   When I think logically I know everything will be just fine.  Im hugging my kids a whole extra lot today, though.  

Im the first case of the day..yippee...no tired surgeons for me!  That means I need to be there at 0600.  It also means I should be home by 1300.  My sister is coming with me in the morning and my Mom will swap with her a little later.  Then home to my husband while my Mom takes the kids for the night.( I have the best Mom and sister in the entire world!! )  Ive chosen to leave my husband at home tomorrow  :o)  He gets nervous about such things, but his way of dealing with his nervousness is to nit pick everything.  "This is taking to long, don't they know what they are doing, why did they have to poke you 3 times"....and on and on and on.  And that just puts me more on edge....so Im leaving him home!!  And I feel better knowing he is with the kiddos anyway. 

I picked up lots of protein drinks today.  Its a liquid diet for the first week, while my stomach is healing.     I had mac and cheese for dinner and Im shortly going to have a piece of cheesecake.  Giotta go out with a bang right!!  Next week while Im at my wits end with liquid, liquid, liquid, Ill be able to think back to the cheesecake and longingly remember our amazing, but brief relationship.

So Im going to log off here,  get my cheesecake, savor every last bite of it, lay in bed with my husband and watch a little TV, read to the kiddos and go to sleep.  I see a little Benedryl in my future tonight.  I may not be able to sleep without it.  Dang, nerves!   Then up at 430am, my sister  will pick me up while I shoot daggers at her with my eyes as she savors her Starbucks on the ride to the hospital and I will be drooling in the seat next to her.  

It is all worth it.  This is my big step to being the healthiest me I can be.  For myself and for my children.  They deserve the healthiest me and I deserve the healthiest me.  I need a little help.  I have asked for it.  I have taken the steps and I am ready for tomorrow!

Monday, April 12, 2010

The time has come

The time has come!  Im nervous and super excited and nervous some more.  I got my surgery date.  Apr. 22nd.  10 days.  Im not sure Im ready.  Well in my brain I know I am, but having it so close.....my main thought is "YIKES!" 

Its not the actual surgery that Im worried about.  Unfortunately Im a pro at that.  This will be #11 for me.  It is the major lifestyle change.  Ive been slowly making my way toward it, and doing quite well at that.  But if I "oops have a soda, or oops eat too much cake", its not that big of a deal.  But after surgery the oopses will be a big deal.

So my brain knows Im ready.  My brain knows it is the right and healthy thing for me to do.  It doesn't stop me from being scared.

Ive gone through all the steps.  Went to the informational meeting.  Met with the surgeon initially.  Met with the nutritionist several times and changed a lot of my bad eating habits.  Gone to the support group meetings.  Had a psychological evaluation ( No I will not be going off the deep end, rolling my self in play doh and singing "God Bless America" on the streets of Waterville, Maine anytime soon)  Found myself a tolerable protein drink....for those of you who have not tried protein drinks....I envy you.  Met with the trainer.  (More on him in a bit) Met with the surgeon again and had my pre op assessment and bloodwork/EKG done.  And now IM READY!  Or so I keep telling myself.....  Ive done everything Im supposed to do.  Ive passed all their tests.  They believe Im a good candidate.  In my brain I believe I am too. It doesnt stop me from being scared. 

A lot more people are aware of my upcoming surgery now.  (Ever notice how much surgery and sugary look and sound alike  :o)  )  It is out there.  People have read this blog (I find that amazing), Ive told some people.  Word had gotten out.  Im not a flashy person in the least.  Im not one to yell from the rooftops much about myself.  But Im not trying to hide it either.  It still embarrasses me.  A lot.  The fact that Ive let my health get so bad it has come to this.  That I have to have a surgical intervention for all this extra weight.   So I am still embarrassed and don't offer the info to many people.  However, I have had people come to me and ask questions and I am more than happy to discuss any part of it with them.  I can talk until Im blue in the face about it.  I know all the facts, I know what will be done and what is expected of me.  It doesnt stop me from being scared.

I was mortified when I saw my diagnoses for my pre op testing the other day.  MORBIDLY OBESE
I don't think of myself as morbidly obese.  But into that category I fit.  I have had many people say to me....you don't look like you would qualify for the surgery.  Or you cant weigh that much.  I think of morbidly obese as those people who don't do anything for themselves.  Those people you see on TV  850lb man and such.  The people who can't walk or function because they are so heavy.  The people who use those motorized carts in the grocery store because they cant walk because of their weight.   Well I am none of that.  I am certainly a functioning part of society.  However, I am unhealthy.  I am morbidly obese. BUT...... I am strong and I am changing my life.  I will be healthy for myself and my children.  I have chosen to be healthy.  I have chosen to do something about it.  It doesnt stop me from being scared.

Monday, February 8, 2010

It's been a long time

Ive been away from this blog for awhile.  I got wrapped up in the holidays, 2 crazy kids...3 if you count my husband and my computer broke!

However, today I got "the letter".  "The letter" is from my health insurance company saying they have approved my surgery and it will be covered!!!  I don't think I realized until I read it how very much I want this.  I cried like a baby in my kitchen while reading it.  I had been having some 2nd thoughts, cold feet, wondering if this is really what I need/want. 

That question was answered as I cried in my kitchen and realized how very important this is to me.  As I initially read "the letter" I thought they were declining to cover.  And I was mad!...then as I finished it and realized they would cover it and all of this would go through and now quite quickly...that's when the tears came.

So next step...meet with Nate the trainer, who will set me up with a gym program and show me what I need to do for that aspect. 

This Friday will be my first support group meeting. These are mandatory before the surgery.  I should hear when I will meet with Nate shortly.  Then its going to happen fairly quickly.  Im thinking by the end of March.