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Monday, April 26, 2010

A few rough days

So post surgically Im doing great!  No more pain meds...just a little Ibuprofen here and there.  I have a very small and managable amount of pain.

However  I want to eat something real.  Im tired of mushy, squooshy dont have to chew anything food.  Im tired and frustrated and I know that part of it is I am not getting enough calories.  I ate about 600 calories yesterday.  Yep not good!  Ill be lucky if I get to that today.  No wonder Im feeling crappy.  Tired, achey muscles, blah. So I need to take better control of what I am eating. 

I went to the grocery store tonight and stocked up on healthy things that will make me feel a little bit better.  I got canned pears and peaches! (Yep I know the fresh ones are so much better for me, but they arent squooshy enough...so I have to compromise for now! )  I got things to make smoothies ( and Ill add my Greek yogurt to get extra protein in)  I got yogurt.  I got things that I will feel satisfied with.....I hope.    Oh and applesauce.  Woo hoo applesauce!

I think Im in need of some potassium as well.   I think thats why my muscles are achey.  Bananas here I come.  Squishy bananas, but still....potassium.

I stopped by the Bariatric center today to pick up a few ProStats.  They are little "squirts" of 15g of protein you can add to things.  While I was there I said  " Im day 5 and Im hungry!  Is there anything else I can eat?"
I got " Have you read your book?" (the golden guide to Lap Band before during and after)
me....yes I read the book
her...well its all in there (granted...she was nice about it)
me...you dont have any magic words?
her...no magic words...just stick with it...this is the hard part
me...so I cant move on to the next stage and eat more yet
her...nope not yet...you will just cause problems you don't want to have
me...okay...I knew that...I just needed someone to tell me NO

So I went to GNC and got some more flavors of protein drink....yummy yummy (NOT)  I feel like such a poser walking into GNC.  As soon as you enter there are posters and big cut outs of all the big beefy muscley...is that a word?...men and beautiful thin trim women.  The guy behind the counter is like 22 with huge biceps and here I come....Um...I need some Isopure Plus please.   I almost feel like I just don't belong in there.  But hey...I dont really care what the guy behind the counter thinks of me.  Maybe he thinks...hey good for her!  But im my mind I hear....What the heck does she think she is doing in here.  Holy COW!  But either way...I get what I need and go on my merry way!

I found this website that lets me track all my food.  It counts up my protein and carbs and calories and well pretty much everything.  It's great.

So my goals for tomorrow are
   Track all my foods....know exactly what Im putting in!
   Drink more milk....protein and yummy
   Eat more frequently and get a good amount of calories in...healthy calories!
   Stick with it!  and dont push it!!

Everyone said the surgery was the easy part.  They were right.  This is the pits!  But Im moving toward a healthy me...with my tummy grumbling all the way...but Im moving!!!!

Saturday, April 24, 2010

I did it!

Surgery was Thursday and it went very well!.  They treated me great, took super care of me and gave me the good drugs  :o)  My biggest complaint so far.  Im hungry! Today is the first day that my stomach has been growling.  Im going to try some potato soup....very thin potato soup.  So far it has been broth, a few bites of jello, more broth and a yogurt last night.  Oh and of course my protein drinks.  I was amazed that I couldnt even finish my yogurt last night because I felt full!!! 

Today is the first day I feel like myself again.  Could be because I stopped taking the narcotics they gave me for pain.  They took the pain away all right, but also made me so sleepy and groggy.  Now that Ive switched over to ibuprofen,  Im up and moving more and feeling much better. 

So liquids this week.  Next week...scrambled eggs and applesauce!  Ive never looked forward to eggs so much in my life!!!  I think Im going to head outside today with my book and enjoy the beautiful weather.

I did it!  I did it!  The big scary part is over.   Now its the lifestyle changes.  Im up for the challenge and excited and ready.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010


Tomorrow is the day!  Ive been super nervous all day.  My tummy has been doing little flips and flops.  Im thinking too much about it.  I think the thing that gets me the most is that this is an optional surgery.  Ive had surgery in the past, but they have all been necessary and this is elective.  I am choosing to put myself on that OR table tomorrow.  In my brain I know everything will be just fine.   When I think logically I know everything will be just fine.  Im hugging my kids a whole extra lot today, though.  

Im the first case of the day..yippee...no tired surgeons for me!  That means I need to be there at 0600.  It also means I should be home by 1300.  My sister is coming with me in the morning and my Mom will swap with her a little later.  Then home to my husband while my Mom takes the kids for the night.( I have the best Mom and sister in the entire world!! )  Ive chosen to leave my husband at home tomorrow  :o)  He gets nervous about such things, but his way of dealing with his nervousness is to nit pick everything.  "This is taking to long, don't they know what they are doing, why did they have to poke you 3 times"....and on and on and on.  And that just puts me more on edge....so Im leaving him home!!  And I feel better knowing he is with the kiddos anyway. 

I picked up lots of protein drinks today.  Its a liquid diet for the first week, while my stomach is healing.     I had mac and cheese for dinner and Im shortly going to have a piece of cheesecake.  Giotta go out with a bang right!!  Next week while Im at my wits end with liquid, liquid, liquid, Ill be able to think back to the cheesecake and longingly remember our amazing, but brief relationship.

So Im going to log off here,  get my cheesecake, savor every last bite of it, lay in bed with my husband and watch a little TV, read to the kiddos and go to sleep.  I see a little Benedryl in my future tonight.  I may not be able to sleep without it.  Dang, nerves!   Then up at 430am, my sister  will pick me up while I shoot daggers at her with my eyes as she savors her Starbucks on the ride to the hospital and I will be drooling in the seat next to her.  

It is all worth it.  This is my big step to being the healthiest me I can be.  For myself and for my children.  They deserve the healthiest me and I deserve the healthiest me.  I need a little help.  I have asked for it.  I have taken the steps and I am ready for tomorrow!

Monday, April 12, 2010

The time has come

The time has come!  Im nervous and super excited and nervous some more.  I got my surgery date.  Apr. 22nd.  10 days.  Im not sure Im ready.  Well in my brain I know I am, but having it so close.....my main thought is "YIKES!" 

Its not the actual surgery that Im worried about.  Unfortunately Im a pro at that.  This will be #11 for me.  It is the major lifestyle change.  Ive been slowly making my way toward it, and doing quite well at that.  But if I "oops have a soda, or oops eat too much cake", its not that big of a deal.  But after surgery the oopses will be a big deal.

So my brain knows Im ready.  My brain knows it is the right and healthy thing for me to do.  It doesn't stop me from being scared.

Ive gone through all the steps.  Went to the informational meeting.  Met with the surgeon initially.  Met with the nutritionist several times and changed a lot of my bad eating habits.  Gone to the support group meetings.  Had a psychological evaluation ( No I will not be going off the deep end, rolling my self in play doh and singing "God Bless America" on the streets of Waterville, Maine anytime soon)  Found myself a tolerable protein drink....for those of you who have not tried protein drinks....I envy you.  Met with the trainer.  (More on him in a bit) Met with the surgeon again and had my pre op assessment and bloodwork/EKG done.  And now IM READY!  Or so I keep telling myself.....  Ive done everything Im supposed to do.  Ive passed all their tests.  They believe Im a good candidate.  In my brain I believe I am too. It doesnt stop me from being scared. 

A lot more people are aware of my upcoming surgery now.  (Ever notice how much surgery and sugary look and sound alike  :o)  )  It is out there.  People have read this blog (I find that amazing), Ive told some people.  Word had gotten out.  Im not a flashy person in the least.  Im not one to yell from the rooftops much about myself.  But Im not trying to hide it either.  It still embarrasses me.  A lot.  The fact that Ive let my health get so bad it has come to this.  That I have to have a surgical intervention for all this extra weight.   So I am still embarrassed and don't offer the info to many people.  However, I have had people come to me and ask questions and I am more than happy to discuss any part of it with them.  I can talk until Im blue in the face about it.  I know all the facts, I know what will be done and what is expected of me.  It doesnt stop me from being scared.

I was mortified when I saw my diagnoses for my pre op testing the other day.  MORBIDLY OBESE
I don't think of myself as morbidly obese.  But into that category I fit.  I have had many people say to me....you don't look like you would qualify for the surgery.  Or you cant weigh that much.  I think of morbidly obese as those people who don't do anything for themselves.  Those people you see on TV  850lb man and such.  The people who can't walk or function because they are so heavy.  The people who use those motorized carts in the grocery store because they cant walk because of their weight.   Well I am none of that.  I am certainly a functioning part of society.  However, I am unhealthy.  I am morbidly obese. BUT...... I am strong and I am changing my life.  I will be healthy for myself and my children.  I have chosen to be healthy.  I have chosen to do something about it.  It doesnt stop me from being scared.