tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25088614642918952222024-02-20T19:54:53.754-05:00My new journeyDanielle Schryverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01873364038291634264noreply@blogger.comBlogger14125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2508861464291895222.post-91999861921412711932010-06-12T14:33:00.000-04:002010-06-12T14:33:39.640-04:00I am a rockstar!Yes, as you can tell I am super proud of myself. It has been a long time since I have felt this proud of myself so Im shouting it out to anyone that will listen!! <br />
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Exercise is a new and big part of my life. Ive started a walk to run program that gets me to the gym 3-4 times a week And surprisingly I LOVE it. Well while Im actually on the treadmill, I dont love it so much. In fact Im often swearing in my head and if anyone could hear me I might get some evil looks. What I do love is how it makes me feel. I feel amazing. What a feeling of accomplishment it is when I step off that treadmill and am sticky and sweaty and look afright...probably smelly too. But I know that I did it. I earned all that sweat and Im making myself healthier every time I get on there!<br />
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It is something that is important to me and I make the time for it. I have a long term goal of climbing Katahdin next summer. Ive just added a shorter term goal of running a 5K this fall. <br />
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I got myself some new sneakers....cuz we all know new sneakers make us run faster :o) I got myself some workout clothes and keep some in the car, so I never have an excuse not to go to the gym. Thursday I forgot socks...and the ones I had worked in all day were not quite what I wanted to run in. So I left work, made a special trip to Kmart, got me some socks and went to the gym. Yippee for me! I'm not making excuses anymore. Instead Im making time for me. Im happier, healthier and well there is some nice eye candy at the gym that makes it worth it some days :o)<br />
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My weight loss is slow. It is supposed to be. They tell me I am right on track. Im doing great and am where I should be. I want it off now! Im trying to be patient. 16 pounds is nothing to turn my nose up at. It is a significant amount. And I am proud of it. Ive dropped my BMI by several points already. I feel great. My clothes are starting to fit looser. Everything is going in the right direction. <br />
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So if you see a crazy girl at the gym, sweaty, singing to herself, giving all she's got. That just may be me. And if she is smiling it is because she is damn proud of herself. She has made a big change in her life and she is sticking to it. She still has a loooooong way to go. Baby steps. The longest journey starts with a single step. But SHE IS DOING IT!!!Danielle Schryverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01873364038291634264noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2508861464291895222.post-89738752454015038122010-05-09T10:01:00.000-04:002010-05-09T10:01:42.436-04:00Back to WorkOn Friday I saw my surgeon for my 2 week post op visit. Officially I have lost 9 lbs! Yippee for me. I was given the green light to go back to work without restrictions and to start my exercise program again. Everything looks great and Im progressing as I should. I will return to see Dr. McKee again in 4 weeks at which time we will decide if I need a fill or not. A fill is when they add saline through a port I have under my skin. The saline fills the band and makes it a little tighter. More restriction makes you feel fuller. I don't have any in there yet. Initially the restriction you get is from the inflammation from the surgery. As long as I continue to lose weight at 1-2 lbs a week and am feeling full and satisfied they keep me where I am. If not they add a little saline. <br />
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Well this weekend Im back to work. The working part is easy. However, Im used to eating when Im here. A lot. Every place has food in a hospital. There is alway cake for someone's birthday, or cookies for some appreciation week, or just because someone felt like bringing something in. There is even a candy drawer in the ER. An entire drawer full of lots and lots of candy. Aghhhh!!! There is food everywhere! It is also very very slow this weekend, so I have a lot of downtime. I used to fill that downtime with eating. <br />
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I feel hungry. It is probably because I am bored. It may also be because Im losing that inflammation post surgery and I don't have as much restriction any more. I still feel full, but Im finding it takes just a little more to eat for me to feel that way. <br />
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Im proud of myself, though. I brought food with me to work for the weekend. I haven't had any of those yummy snacks I keep seeing all over the hospital. I haven't even ventured down to the cafeteria. Im eating more, but Im eating what I brought, so I know its good for me. Yippee me! So Im sticking with it, getting healthy!!<br />
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This week....Excercise!!!!!!Danielle Schryverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01873364038291634264noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2508861464291895222.post-289220720646857052010-05-05T15:58:00.000-04:002010-05-05T15:58:59.971-04:00Confession timeTime for a confession. You may be shocked, horror struck....you may laugh until you pee your pants...your jaw may drop...or you just might understand.<br />
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I chewed a piece of bacon and spit it out! <br />
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It smelled so darn good. I knew my belly wasnt ready for meat yet. I took a tiny tiny piece of a piece and chewed it and chewed it and oh my gosh it was yummy!!!!! Then I spit it out. <br />
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Okay confession overDanielle Schryverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01873364038291634264noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2508861464291895222.post-7231481788567645262010-05-04T08:51:00.000-04:002010-05-04T08:51:19.286-04:00Ups and DownsI had a few rough days. I woke up feeling well, but after lunchtime I had some nausea that would last until bedtime. Because of the nausea, I ate less than I was already eating...which wasnt much. Thursday morning it had reached its peak and I vomitted. Yikes!!!! Vomitting is bad with Lap Band. It can cause the band to slip which is bad news. Needless to say a was a little freaked out! 3 days of nausea and now an episode of vomitting. Of course my thoughts went to the worst right away.<br />
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I called the Bariatric Center in tears and spoke with the nurse. Dramamine and rest were her orders and to EAT MORE! Woo hoo!!!! Eat more?!? I wasnt eating enough, the nausea I was feeling was a combination of not having enough calories/nutrients etc and being hungry. But because I had the nausea I didnt eat. Big vicious circle. I don't think anyone has ever told me to eat more :o) <br />
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So that's what I did. I had some greek yogurt, I took some Dramamine and I went to bed. I woke up and I ate some more. I felt like a new person the next morning! Who knew?? :o) Obviously not me. So now Im eating more and feeling soooooo great! <br />
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Ive been able to add some more foods to my list. I can actually chew a few things now!! Yippee! Scrambled eggs, some fruits and veggies. I had cucumbers this weekend. Yum yummm. I am feeling a lot more like myself again. Thank goodness. I guess I didnt realize how bad I was feeling. I was tired and groggy, upset easily. All because I wasnt eating enough. Well problem solved!! <br />
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The great thing is that although I am eating more frequently, I still only need a small amount of food and I feel satisfied. <br />
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So for those of you wondering if its working......it sure is!!! By my scale at home Ive lost about 8 lbs in about a week and a half. Ill have my official 2 week post op weigh in on Friday when I meet with the surgeon. The goal is to lose 1-2 pounds a week. Just like with any other weight loss program/diet. It is healthiest to lose it slow and steady. The first few weeks will be more, but I should settle into the 1-2 lbs a week by week 4 or 5. Healthy lifestyle here I come!!Danielle Schryverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01873364038291634264noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2508861464291895222.post-14159364563046793302010-04-26T19:26:00.000-04:002010-04-26T19:26:13.974-04:00A few rough daysSo post surgically Im doing great! No more pain meds...just a little Ibuprofen here and there. I have a very small and managable amount of pain.<br />
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<b> However</b> I want to eat something real. Im tired of mushy, squooshy dont have to chew anything food. Im tired and frustrated and I know that part of it is I am not getting enough calories. I ate about 600 calories yesterday. Yep not good! Ill be lucky if I get to that today. No wonder Im feeling crappy. Tired, achey muscles, blah. So I need to take better control of what I am eating. <br />
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I went to the grocery store tonight and stocked up on healthy things that will make me feel a little bit better. I got canned pears and peaches! (Yep I know the fresh ones are so much better for me, but they arent squooshy enough...so I have to compromise for now! ) I got things to make smoothies ( and Ill add my Greek yogurt to get extra protein in) I got yogurt. I got things that I will feel satisfied with.....I hope. Oh and applesauce. Woo hoo applesauce!<br />
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I think Im in need of some potassium as well. I think thats why my muscles are achey. Bananas here I come. Squishy bananas, but still....potassium.<br />
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I stopped by the Bariatric center today to pick up a few ProStats. They are little "squirts" of 15g of protein you can add to things. While I was there I said " Im day 5 and Im hungry! Is there anything else I can eat?"<br />
I got " Have you read your book?" (the golden guide to Lap Band before during and after) <br />
me....yes I read the book<br />
her...well its all in there (granted...she was nice about it)<br />
me...you dont have any magic words?<br />
her...no magic words...just stick with it...this is the hard part<br />
me...so I cant move on to the next stage and eat more yet<br />
her...nope not yet...you will just cause problems you don't want to have<br />
me...okay...I knew that...I just needed someone to tell me NO<br />
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So I went to GNC and got some more flavors of protein drink....yummy yummy (NOT) I feel like such a poser walking into GNC. As soon as you enter there are posters and big cut outs of all the big beefy muscley...is that a word?...men and beautiful thin trim women. The guy behind the counter is like 22 with huge biceps and here I come....Um...I need some Isopure Plus please. I almost feel like I just don't belong in there. But hey...I dont really care what the guy behind the counter thinks of me. Maybe he thinks...hey good for her! But im my mind I hear....What the heck does she think she is doing in here. Holy COW! But either way...I get what I need and go on my merry way!<br />
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I found this website that lets me track all my food. It counts up my protein and carbs and calories and well pretty much everything. It's great.<br />
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So my goals for tomorrow are<br />
Track all my foods....know exactly what Im putting in! <br />
Drink more milk....protein and yummy<br />
Eat more frequently and get a good amount of calories in...healthy calories!<br />
Stick with it! and dont push it!! <br />
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Everyone said the surgery was the easy part. They were right. This is the pits! But Im moving toward a healthy me...with my tummy grumbling all the way...but Im moving!!!!Danielle Schryverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01873364038291634264noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2508861464291895222.post-15306693889696881852010-04-24T12:24:00.000-04:002010-04-24T12:24:43.290-04:00I did it!Surgery was Thursday and it went very well!. They treated me great, took super care of me and gave me the good drugs :o) My biggest complaint so far. Im hungry! Today is the first day that my stomach has been growling. Im going to try some potato soup....very thin potato soup. So far it has been broth, a few bites of jello, more broth and a yogurt last night. Oh and of course my protein drinks. I was amazed that I couldnt even finish my yogurt last night because I felt full!!! <br />
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Today is the first day I feel like myself again. Could be because I stopped taking the narcotics they gave me for pain. They took the pain away all right, but also made me so sleepy and groggy. Now that Ive switched over to ibuprofen, Im up and moving more and feeling much better. <br />
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So liquids this week. Next week...scrambled eggs and applesauce! Ive never looked forward to eggs so much in my life!!! I think Im going to head outside today with my book and enjoy the beautiful weather.<br />
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I did it! I did it! The big scary part is over. Now its the lifestyle changes. Im up for the challenge and excited and ready.Danielle Schryverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01873364038291634264noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2508861464291895222.post-91743884747958877712010-04-21T19:35:00.000-04:002010-04-21T19:35:15.110-04:00TomorrowTomorrow is the day! Ive been super nervous all day. My tummy has been doing little flips and flops. Im thinking too much about it. I think the thing that gets me the most is that this is an optional surgery. Ive had surgery in the past, but they have all been necessary and this is elective. I am choosing to put myself on that OR table tomorrow. In my brain I know everything will be just fine. When I think logically I know everything will be just fine. Im hugging my kids a whole extra lot today, though. <br />
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Im the first case of the day..yippee...no tired surgeons for me! That means I need to be there at 0600. It also means I should be home by 1300. My sister is coming with me in the morning and my Mom will swap with her a little later. Then home to my husband while my Mom takes the kids for the night.( I have the best Mom and sister in the entire world!! ) Ive chosen to leave my husband at home tomorrow :o) He gets nervous about such things, but his way of dealing with his nervousness is to nit pick everything. "This is taking to long, don't they know what they are doing, why did they have to poke you 3 times"....and on and on and on. And that just puts me more on edge....so Im leaving him home!! And I feel better knowing he is with the kiddos anyway. <br />
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I picked up lots of protein drinks today. Its a liquid diet for the first week, while my stomach is healing. I had mac and cheese for dinner and Im shortly going to have a piece of cheesecake. Giotta go out with a bang right!! Next week while Im at my wits end with liquid, liquid, liquid, Ill be able to think back to the cheesecake and longingly remember our amazing, but brief relationship.<br />
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So Im going to log off here, get my cheesecake, savor every last bite of it, lay in bed with my husband and watch a little TV, read to the kiddos and go to sleep. I see a little Benedryl in my future tonight. I may not be able to sleep without it. Dang, nerves! Then up at 430am, my sister will pick me up while I shoot daggers at her with my eyes as she savors her Starbucks on the ride to the hospital and I will be drooling in the seat next to her. <br />
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It is all worth it. This is my big step to being the healthiest me I can be. For myself and for my children. They deserve the healthiest me and I deserve the healthiest me. I need a little help. I have asked for it. I have taken the steps and I am ready for tomorrow!Danielle Schryverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01873364038291634264noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2508861464291895222.post-58364051265047402392010-04-12T18:54:00.000-04:002010-04-12T18:54:58.996-04:00The time has comeThe time has come! Im nervous and super excited and nervous some more. I got my surgery date. Apr. 22nd. 10 days. Im not sure Im ready. Well in my brain I know I am, but having it so close.....my main thought is "YIKES!" <br />
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Its not the actual surgery that Im worried about. Unfortunately Im a pro at that. This will be #11 for me. It is the major lifestyle change. Ive been slowly making my way toward it, and doing quite well at that. But if I "oops have a soda, or oops eat too much cake", its not that big of a deal. But after surgery the oopses will be a big deal. <br />
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So my brain knows Im ready. My brain knows it is the right and healthy thing for me to do. It doesn't stop me from being scared.<br />
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Ive gone through all the steps. Went to the informational meeting. Met with the surgeon initially. Met with the nutritionist several times and changed a lot of my bad eating habits. Gone to the support group meetings. Had a psychological evaluation ( No I will not be going off the deep end, rolling my self in play doh and singing "God Bless America" on the streets of Waterville, Maine anytime soon) Found myself a tolerable protein drink....for those of you who have not tried protein drinks....I envy you. Met with the trainer. (More on him in a bit) Met with the surgeon again and had my pre op assessment and bloodwork/EKG done. And now IM READY! Or so I keep telling myself..... Ive done everything Im supposed to do. Ive passed all their tests. They believe Im a good candidate. In my brain I believe I am too. It doesnt stop me from being scared. <br />
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A lot more people are aware of my upcoming surgery now. (Ever notice how much surgery and sugary look and sound alike :o) ) It is out there. People have read this blog (I find that amazing), Ive told some people. Word had gotten out. Im not a flashy person in the least. Im not one to yell from the rooftops much about myself. But Im not trying to hide it either. It still embarrasses me. A lot. The fact that Ive let my health get so bad it has come to this. That I have to have a surgical intervention for all this extra weight. So I am still embarrassed and don't offer the info to many people. However, I have had people come to me and ask questions and I am more than happy to discuss any part of it with them. I can talk until Im blue in the face about it. I know all the facts, I know what will be done and what is expected of me. It doesnt stop me from being scared.<br />
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I was mortified when I saw my diagnoses for my pre op testing the other day. MORBIDLY OBESE <br />
I don't think of myself as morbidly obese. But into that category I fit. I have had many people say to me....you don't look like you would qualify for the surgery. Or you cant weigh that much. I think of morbidly obese as those people who don't do anything for themselves. Those people you see on TV 850lb man and such. The people who can't walk or function because they are so heavy. The people who use those motorized carts in the grocery store because they cant walk because of their weight. Well I am none of that. I am certainly a functioning part of society. However, I am unhealthy. I am morbidly obese. BUT...... I am strong and I am changing my life. I will be healthy for myself and my children. I have chosen to be healthy. I have chosen to do something about it. It doesnt stop me from being scared.Danielle Schryverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01873364038291634264noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2508861464291895222.post-59216635933281543292010-02-08T15:47:00.000-05:002010-02-08T15:47:17.185-05:00It's been a long timeIve been away from this blog for awhile. I got wrapped up in the holidays, 2 crazy kids...3 if you count my husband and my computer broke!<br />
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However, today I got "the letter". "The letter" is from my health insurance company saying they have approved my surgery and it will be covered!!! I don't think I realized until I read it how very much I want this. I cried like a baby in my kitchen while reading it. I had been having some 2nd thoughts, cold feet, wondering if this is really what I need/want. <br />
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That question was answered as I cried in my kitchen and realized how very important this is to me. As I initially read "the letter" I thought they were declining to cover. And I was mad!...then as I finished it and realized they would cover it and all of this would go through and now quite quickly...that's when the tears came.<br />
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So next step...meet with Nate the trainer, who will set me up with a gym program and show me what I need to do for that aspect. <br />
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This Friday will be my first support group meeting. These are mandatory before the surgery. I should hear when I will meet with Nate shortly. Then its going to happen fairly quickly. Im thinking by the end of March.Danielle Schryverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01873364038291634264noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2508861464291895222.post-64142727926272557122009-10-19T19:12:00.000-04:002009-10-19T19:12:55.700-04:00Frustrated I've been having a lot of trouble getting myself ready to start. I've been eating horribly :o( Then of course I wonder if I am ready to do this. If I can't get my butt in gear and take care of myself now, what makes me think I will do it when the time for surgery comes?<br />
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I know that I didnt get where I am by succeeding at doing this in the past. I failed many many times dieting. So what makes this time different? This time I'm signing on for a major life change. So I need to get going and start taking myself more seriously. <br />
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I have done one thing that I feel is great progress. No soda in about a week now!!! That was big for me. I really didn't realize how much of the stuff I was drinking. I've found a great sugar free drink that I actually like :o) Yeah for me on that!! <br />
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I made my appointment for my psych evaluation as well. That comes up next Thursday! It is required before surgery. They really want to make sure that you are doing it for the right reasons and that you are ready for this huge change. So of course I can and will bring up all my frustrations and questions of whether I will succeed or not with her. The one thing that I'm doing different this time around is I am being completely open and honest with everyone. No more pussy footing around. No saying "yeah no problem, I am ready" or "of course I know I will do well" <br />
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I question myself every day. I keep thinking what will make me succeed this time? What will be different? Do I have it in me to do this and do it right? <br />
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I think the answer is yes! Or I wouldnt be here. I think that I have a lot of support, from family and friends and the entire team at the Bariatric Clinic. I think that I will be open and honest and make people aware of my frustrations and nervousness. In that way I can let them help me to succeed. <br />
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So my next steps coming up are<br />
Go to support groups- I need to go to 3 of these as part of the pre surgery program. This will also be a great place to bring up my concerns. There will be people who have had the surgery and people who are gettting ready for it as well. I think it will be very beneficial.<br />
Sign up for my meeting with the excercise guy- He will meet with me and get me on a program that works for me! He works with all of the bariatric patients who go through this clinic. I know I will feel more comfortable with him than I would with anyone else. I have always felt so intimidated at gyms in the past. It's hard to put myself out there in all my glory, sweating and panting and looking like a drowned rat that just tried to swim across the Mississippi. Knowing that many have gone before me with him, and many are doing it now will help.<br />
Meet with Megan the nutritionist again- I havent done everything she told me to do yet. Im working on getting myself together. It's been very frustrating. But I will be open and honest and let her know where Im having trouble and what I need help with instead of just trying to get through it by myself.<br />
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So its been a rough couple of weeks. I knew it wouldnt be easy. I knew I would hit these bumps in the road. I just need to keep pushing forward. Which I will do!Danielle Schryverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01873364038291634264noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2508861464291895222.post-69169625009826599702009-10-10T16:58:00.000-04:002009-10-10T16:58:02.714-04:00PicturesThe dreaded picture! Looking at my blog account today I noticed there is just a shadow person where my picture should be. I really should, and I will....sometime, hopefully soon, put a picture in there. It will be a great way to plot my progress. At the beginning of this journey, right now, pictures are a painful thing for me. I really do NOT like to look at myself in a picture. <br />
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I have this image of myself. It's not a terrible image, actually. Then I see a picture, and I can't believe how off my image is. I am usually appalled. For example, my brother's wedding a little over a year ago. I bought a dress, thought it looked good. I had a great time at the wedding. I was a part of many pictures. It was a super weekend! Then the pictures came back. Oh my goodness!!! Was that really me? What was I thinking wearing that dress that looks horrid and accentuates every part of me that I didn't want seen. It was that point that I realized that my body had changed drastically. Even though I had seen the scale numbers go up, up, up and up some more, my image of myself hadn't changed. What everyone else was seeing, I wasn't.<br />
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A copy of one of those wedding pictures sits in my sister's living room. Every time I see it, I want to hide it. I don't like it out for everyone to see. How freaking selfish is that of me? It is a great picture! My brother and sister in law look so very happy. It is a wonderful picture of my brother and his wife and his 3 sisters. Instead of looking at it and remembering what a perfect weekend that was, I think how absolutely terrible I look. <br />
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That was a little over a year ago. It was when I saw that picture that I really began to realize that I am not who I thought I was. I do not look like I thought I did. I was in Weight Watchers at the time. This was my 2nd or 3rd time with the program. I remember mentioning at a meeting how that picture made me feel. I also remember getting on a treadmill. I went to a local gym. I signed up. I carted my big ol butt over there and I got on a treadmill and I walked...and walked...and walked. For about 3 weeks. Then I ran out of time. I never found enough time to get to the gym. I also did not sign up again at Weight Watchers. I gained all of the weight back that I lost and a little bit more.<br />
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So all of this brings me to next weekend. Next weekend we are going apple picking....yummmmmy!! It's a fun time that my family does every year. There is this wonderful orchard that hayrides you up to the trees while overlooking an absolutely gorgeous view of the fall foliage here in Maine. The trees have a lot of fruit close to the ground so all of the kids can reach and pick their own apples. It is a great time! I look forward to it every year. Apples, choosing our pumpkins, a beautiful day outside, warm apple cider and spending time with my family!<br />
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Unfortunately, I am anxious about it this year. We are going to have pictures taken at the orchard. Not just candid pictures, but professional pics that we are going to have printed for Christmas. Just what I need....more proof!!! <br />
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I am going to really try to not let that ruin my day. I don't think it will. There are too many other fun things to think about. However, I hate that I have even a little bit of anxiety over it. I will tell myself.....next year you will be able to see a real difference. I will insist on pictures at the orchard next year too! I want to be able to enjoy having pictures taken. I want to look at a picture and remember the wonderful time in which it was taken. That is what pictures are for. <br />
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I will repeat this..........<strong>Apples, choosing our pumpkins, a beautiful day outside, warm apple cider and spending time with my family! </strong><br />
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That is what next weekend will be about. Danielle Schryverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01873364038291634264noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2508861464291895222.post-71149644581153012572009-10-05T20:25:00.000-04:002009-10-05T20:25:27.109-04:00Lack of organizationI am, simply put, a slob! I have no organizational skills. Well somewhere there must be a little bit, but really I am a mess. My car is a wreck! My bedroom looks like a Category 5 Hurricane blew through. When my husband and I lived in Pennsylvania, I had a big ol' pile of clothes in the corner of our bedroom. He nicknamed it Mount Dani. Mount Dani has now moved with us. It is in one of the extra rooms in the basement, right across the hall from the laundry room. When I actually get around to doing laundry, I grab a few of those and throw them in with the rest. It is very very very slowly shrinking. <br />
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My problem is, I dont want to get rid of them. I have so very many clothes that do NOT fit me. I have trouble getting rid of them, though. Maybe, someday, they will fit again! So they hang around, until that day, when the very best thing for me to do would be to get rid of them. Send them to Goodwill. Some of these clothes are years and years old. I wouldn't doubt it if I found some leg warmers in there, with sparkles!!!!<br />
I have tried to get rid of them. They go into the laundry, they come out nice and clean. I put them in a box. The box ends up in the basement because I keep forgetting to bring it to Goodwill. They get that basement smell. I put them in the laundry....you get the picture.<br />
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Pretty much, my whole life goes like this. No organization leads to much more work than necessary, which leads to frustration, which just makes me want to give up.<br />
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Dont get me wrong, I like organization. I actually thrive in an organized environment. I think how lovely it is not to trip over my dirty clothes on my way to the bathroom in the dark at night. Not to stub my toe on the kids toys which are everywhere. (Lots of those need to go to Goodwill too!) Not to lose so much mail, because I just don't have a place that I put it every time. <br />
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Car keys....oh how my husband hates it when I can't find them. Everytime he says to me, "Why don't you just put them in the same place every time. Then you would know where they are." Well 95%...maybe 85% of the time I put them on the hook just inside the front door. It is there just for the purpose of holding and keeping track of my keys. Those suckers just jump right off of there and hide themselves. I know they do!! Then I trip over toys, get tangled up in rogue clothes strewn about, shout a few expletives in the process and finally find my keys. I know it doesn't need to be this hard.<br />
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So you get the point.....I'm a mess and it makes my life harder than it needs to be.<br />
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I am a disorganized eater as well. Often I don't have healthy food in the house. I never seem to have time to go grocery shopping after hunting down the keys, kicking toys out of the way and disentagling myself from the laundry. So I eat on the run. I eat fast food. I order out. I know these are not healthy choices. I do them anyway. It is what I have time for. I don't pay attention to what I am eating. I wake up in the morning and eat last night's leftovers. I skip lunch. Then I am famished by dinner and while I am out running errands I pick up something. Anything. As long as its quick. <br />
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Remember the soda? It's harder than I thought! In fact Ive had 2 today. I don't think I realized just how much of it I was drinking before. Again, it's when Im on the run. I went shopping with my sister today. I skipped breakfast. We didnt finish shopping until afternoon. So what did I do? I stopped and picked something up on my way home because that was what I had time for. It included a soda. That is in addition to the one I had while I was shopping. I am frustrated with myself! I realize I do it without even thinking about it. So while I am frustrated with myself, I am happy that I am starting to see how much I eat and drink without even thinking about it. I am happy that I have realized that my disorganized lifestyle is hindering my goal to a healthy lifestyle. Where does it stop? I can lie and say now. I have said that so many times in the past. I mean it every time I say it. I really, truly do mean it. I want to do it. I need to do it. <br />
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So one of my goals with this journey that is not a specific part of my Lap Band, is to become more organized. I think in order to be successful I will have to do that.<br />
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I actually made a teeny tiny step in the right direction today. I bought a basket. A basket? Yep a basket. It is the perfect size for my mail. When I come in the house I can now put the mail in my perfect little orange basket. Not on the counter, or in the bedroom or where ever I happen to lay it down. Although, I know those sneaky envelopes are in cahoots with my keys! They skitter away together somewhere I'm sure of it.<br />
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I'm about to take one more teeny tiny step. I'm thinking ahead. That in itself is quite a rare occasion. I am going to stop typing and go directly to the kitchen. I am going to take some chicken out of the freezer. I will not be able to use the excuse, " there is nothing to make for dinner" tomorrow night. I will have wonderfully, thought ahead of, thawed chicken. I will not allow the clothes, the toys, the keys, the envelopes, the children, the cat, the dog, my husband or the teeny tiny elves that also make my life interesting get in my way. I will do this one thing to increase the organization in my life. <br />
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I have to start somewhere, right?Danielle Schryverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01873364038291634264noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2508861464291895222.post-56945757644470798192009-09-30T08:24:00.000-04:002009-09-30T08:24:45.577-04:00Yikes!What did I do? That was the first question I asked myself this morning when I realized people actually read this. Do I want to throw myself out there for everyone to see? The answer is yes! I do. It's a odd feeling to have. Having people reading my thoughts I'm putting down. It's like having a diary open for all to see. This is what I want, though. This is part of my journey. Of accepting where I am and where I want to go. Not hiding from my choices. Not hiding under baggy clothes, cuz we all know those darn baggy clothes don't hide a thing! But we can make ourselves believe a heck of a lot if we try. So I want you all to read!!!! I want a lot of people to read! I've been hiding under baggy clothes way too long.<br />
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So I have completed 2 of the pre surgery steps.<br />
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#1 I met with my surgeon. He is the chief of surgery at our hospital (so hey he knows what he's doing :o). He went over the technical stuff with me. He puts a band over the top portion of my stomach. This makes a small pouch. So when I eat, the food goes there and sloooooowly goes through to the rest of my stomach. So I feel full! (This is not like the gastric bypass where they actually bypass some of the stomach and digestive tract.) The band is filled with saline and a port will be placed just under my skin. Depending on how quickly or slowly I am losing weight the band can be adjusted by adding or taking out saline, to tighten or loosen the band. Badda boom badda bing! <br />
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So there I am in his office. Everything is big there. The chairs are big, the exam table is big. I actually feel slimmer just walking into the office :o) I jump...okay probably not jump....I get up on the exam table and he wants to look at my stomach. WHAT!? You want to look at that thing that I've been hiding from everyone so very (okay not so very) well! Did I clean my belly button this morning? <br />
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It actually wasn't emabarrassing at all. They look at big ol flabby tummies every day. Heck Im one of the smaller people they see. That makes me laugh a bit. It's a very technical exam. Feel here, prod here. "What is this scar from?" " Where does your shunt go?" (Oh yea, I havent mentioned the fact that I have a VP shunt yet....that will be another day) Okay hop down. Really....he tells his patients to hop? Don't all docs tell us to hop down? I always found that funny. Like I am a kangaroo or a bunny. Ohhhhhh....maybe he wants me to eat carrots? I guess if I'd been eating carrots all along I wouldnt be in his office!<br />
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Step one done!<br />
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Step #2 Meet with the nutritionist<br />
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Ive met with nutritionists before. I've told little white lies to them before. "Of course I eat a full fiber cereal in the morning with skim milk and fruit!" Okay more like Lucky Charms on the run, and I try to get extra marshmellows in my bowl. <br />
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This time I laid it all out. I eat Lucky Charms. I drink soda. Oh the horror! I eat breakfast at lunch and lunch at breakfast. Yes I had mashed potatoes for breakfast this morning. I eat on the run. I don't think about what I'm eating. I don't eat enough veggies. I LOVE carbs. <br />
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Geez you say, if she stopped doing all that ridiculous stuff, she'd be a lot better off! Don't I know it!!!!!! I have done that and it's worked great. I have eaten the high fiber breakfast. I have had sit down pay attention to what you are eating meals. I have written down every morsal of food down that dared cross my palate. I have drank(drunk?) water until I felt I would float away. I've done it all. And it worked!!! And then...the pizza calls my name. Or I just NEED Chinese food. Or I lick the brownie bowl. And then I feel terrible and then I eat. And then I feel terrible more, then I eat more. Yes, I am an emotional eater!<br />
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Megan, my nutrition guru is great! She gets it. She is meeting with ME, not with everyone else trying to lose weight. She is listening to ME, not everyone else. I tell her I like Lucky Charms. I know they aren't good for me. I tell her I like soda. She tells me NO MORE SODA! <br />
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Goal #1 Stop drinking soda! Even diet soda. None, no more, nada, zip. STOP! Not even mentioning how absolutely terrible this is for me( Oh but the bubbles feel so darn good hehe) I won't be able to drink it after the surgery. Nothing carbonated. The bubbles with fill my pouch with air. Bad news. So goal #1 start cutting out the soda now. Pause......<br />
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Okay, so I'm writing about this and all I can think of is that there is cold Pepsi in the refridgerator right now! And I want it!<br />
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So this will be a tough goal. I don't drink soda all the time. I don't drink it every day. But I really like it! So no more soda in the house. That's a start. Im thinking wouldn't it be great if I went out to the kitchen and poured it all down the sink! That would be great! I'm not going to do it. Well maybe I'll get the courage to do that today. Most likely I'll want to savor every last drop, since I won't have it in the house anymore.<br />
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Goal #2 Write everything down on a log and bring it back to Megan in 6 weeks. <br />
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Everything!!!! Don't cheat. If she doesnt see what Im eating she can't help me. Write down the contraband soda. Write down the mashed potatoes with cheese and bacon and sour cream. Start being accountable for what I put in my mouth. <br />
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No more hiding under baggy clothes!Danielle Schryverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01873364038291634264noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2508861464291895222.post-84097296326501783812009-09-29T17:22:00.000-04:002009-09-29T17:25:04.985-04:00My new journeyYep a bit tacky as a title. I know. However, that is exactly what this is going to be for me. A true journey. One that will take me from one place to another. It will be difficult Im sure. There will be lots of tears. I will want to quit. I won't want to continue at times. I will question myself. I'll get angry. I won't follow the rules.<br />
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That all being said, I AM COMMITTED TO THIS! All of the above will happen. I expect that. I also expect all the great changes! I will be healthier! I will be able to be more active! I will feel less tired! I will be happier! I will have more confidence!<br />
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What the hell is this crazy woman talking about? I have chosen to have a Lap Band procedure done. You may or may not have heard of this. It is a surgical procedure to divide my stomach into a small pouch at the top, and the larger pouch at the bottom. Forming that small pouch at the top is a band that surrounds the stomach. This band can be made tighter or looser depending on the need. Having a small pouch will make me feel full! I will eat much much less, and I can successfully lose weight! <br />
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Whoa!!!! SURGERY!!?? Come on now. Just stop eating so much and get on a darn treadmill! Those were exactly my thoughts several years ago when I heard about these kinds of surgeries. Well I did that. I stopped eating. I did get on a treadmill and got active outside. I ate healthy. Very healthy. I was successful. Very successful..............for a short period of time. Then I gained it all back and more. I played this game several times. I lost weight. I felt great. I said I would never go back to where I was again. Then I started gaining it all back and back and back.<br />
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So here I am. Just about 100 pounds more than I was in high school. <br />
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I weigh 253 pounds. That sentence was just very difficult for me to write. I am embarrassed. I am ashamed. I can't believe I allowed myself to get here. Pause here........this is a big step for me. I have not admitted my weight to anyone but my doctor and my husband. Ill say it again. I am embarrassed and ashamed. It is a terrible way to feel every day. <br />
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So, I made a difficult choice. I chose to stop this. I could have kept pretending it didn't bother me. I could have continued to try to lose the weight by myself. But, Im tired! I'm tired physically and emotionally. I want/NEED to be healthy.<br />
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This is a serious surgery. It is very safe and quite simple according to my surgeon. However, anytime surgery is performed there is a risk. The biggest risk being death. I have had surgeries in the past. Many, actually. But they were all necessary. I really didn't have much of an option not to have them. This time it is completely by choice. So that choice was a very difficult one to make. Do I risk death( teeny tiny infintismal chance) for health? You say...geez this crazy woman is melodramatic too...its just surgery. And I agree with you. But as all you parents know, it's always about your kids. Is this a chance Im willing to take for my kids? Can I knowingly put myself in a potentially dangerous situation for a purely optional choice.<br />
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I choose yes. I have to. Not doing it puts me at more risk for health problems.<br />
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I have just started this process. I had my initial visit with my surgeon and my initial nutritional consult as well. I have a lot of steps to go before the surgery. The pre surgery process takes 4-6 months.<br />
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So here I am. 34 years old. 253 pounds. High blood pressure. Sore joints. A bit depressed.<br />
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Not where I want to be. I have my children to think of. I have myself to think of. I want to be healthy and this is the road/journey I have chosen. Ill be blogging this each step of the way. So come along and cry with me, laugh with me, yell and stomp your feet, throw a few dishes across the room! Mostly, celebrate with me, because through it all I will be travelling toward a healthier me. It will be interesting, I'm sure of that. I will need a lot of support. I expect it to be hard. I'm willing to put in the work.<br />
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Please feel free to ask me lots of questions.Danielle Schryverhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01873364038291634264noreply@blogger.com0