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Wednesday, September 30, 2009


What did I do?  That was the first question I asked myself this morning when I realized people actually read this.  Do I want to throw myself out there for everyone to see?  The answer is yes!  I do.  It's a odd feeling to have.  Having people reading my thoughts I'm putting down.  It's like having a diary open for all to see.  This is what I want, though.  This is part of my journey.  Of accepting where I am and where I want to go.  Not hiding from my choices.  Not hiding under baggy clothes, cuz we all know those darn baggy clothes don't hide a thing!  But we can make ourselves believe a heck of a lot if we try.  So I want you all to read!!!!  I want a lot of people to read!  I've been hiding under baggy clothes way too long.

So I have completed 2 of the pre surgery steps.

#1  I met with my surgeon.  He is the chief of surgery at our hospital (so hey he knows what he's doing  :o).  He went over the technical stuff with me.  He puts a band over the top portion of my stomach.  This makes a small pouch.  So when I eat, the food goes there and sloooooowly goes through to the rest of my stomach.  So I feel full!  (This is not like the gastric bypass where they actually bypass some of the stomach and digestive tract.)  The band is filled with saline and a port will be placed just under my skin.  Depending on how quickly or slowly I am losing weight the band can be adjusted by adding or taking out saline, to tighten or loosen the band.  Badda boom badda bing! 

So there I am in his office.  Everything is big there.  The chairs are big, the exam table is big.  I actually feel slimmer just walking into the office  :o)  I jump...okay probably not jump....I get up on the exam table and he wants to look at my stomach.  WHAT!?  You want to look at that thing that I've been hiding from everyone so very (okay not so very) well!  Did I clean my belly button this morning? 

It actually wasn't emabarrassing at all.  They look at big ol flabby tummies every day.  Heck Im one of the smaller people they see.  That makes me laugh a bit.  It's a very technical exam.  Feel here, prod here.  "What is this scar from?"  " Where does your shunt go?"  (Oh yea,  I havent mentioned the fact that I have a VP shunt yet....that will be another day)  Okay hop down.  Really....he tells his patients to hop?  Don't all docs tell us to hop down?  I always found that funny.  Like I am a kangaroo or a bunny.  Ohhhhhh....maybe he wants me to eat carrots?  I guess if I'd been eating carrots all along I wouldnt be in his office!

Step one done!

Step #2  Meet with the nutritionist

Ive met with nutritionists before.  I've told little white lies to them before.  "Of course I eat a full fiber cereal in the morning with skim milk and fruit!"  Okay more like Lucky Charms on the run, and I try to get extra marshmellows in my bowl. 

This time I laid it all out.  I eat Lucky Charms.  I drink soda.  Oh the horror!  I eat breakfast at lunch and lunch at breakfast.  Yes I had mashed potatoes for breakfast this morning.  I eat on the run.  I don't think about what I'm eating.  I don't eat enough veggies.  I LOVE carbs. 

Geez you say, if she stopped doing all that ridiculous stuff, she'd be a lot better off!  Don't I know it!!!!!!  I have done that and it's worked great.  I have eaten the high fiber breakfast.  I have had sit down pay attention to what you are eating meals.  I have written down every morsal of food down that dared cross my palate.  I have drank(drunk?)  water until I felt I would float away.  I've done it all.  And it worked!!!  And then...the pizza calls my name.  Or I just NEED Chinese food.  Or I lick the brownie bowl.  And then I feel terrible and then I eat.  And then I feel terrible more, then I eat more.  Yes, I am an emotional eater!

Megan, my nutrition guru is great!  She gets it.  She is meeting with ME, not with everyone else trying to lose weight.  She is listening to ME, not everyone else.  I tell her I like Lucky Charms.  I know they aren't good for me.  I tell her I like soda.  She tells me NO MORE SODA! 

Goal #1 Stop drinking soda!  Even diet soda.  None, no more, nada, zip.  STOP!  Not even mentioning how absolutely terrible this is for me( Oh but the bubbles feel so darn good hehe) I won't be able to drink it after the surgery.  Nothing carbonated.  The bubbles with fill my pouch with air.  Bad news.  So goal #1 start cutting out the soda now.  Pause......

Okay, so I'm writing about this and all I can think of is that there is cold Pepsi in the refridgerator right now!  And I want it!

So this will be a tough goal.  I don't drink soda all the time.  I don't drink it every day.  But I really like it!  So no more soda in the house.  That's a start.  Im thinking wouldn't it be great if I went out to the kitchen and poured it all down the sink! That would be great!  I'm not going to do it.  Well maybe I'll get the courage to do that today.  Most likely I'll want to savor every last drop, since I won't have it in the house anymore.

Goal #2 Write everything down on a log and bring it back to Megan in 6 weeks.

Everything!!!!  Don't cheat.  If she doesnt see what Im eating she can't help me.  Write down the contraband soda.  Write down the mashed potatoes with cheese and bacon and sour cream.  Start being accountable for what I put in my mouth. 

No more hiding under baggy clothes!

1 comment:

  1. Danielle, you are very gifted with the way that you word your thoughts. Your story makes me feel like you are sitting on the couch beside me just girl talking. I'm proud of you and wish you much luck. :)