Yep a bit tacky as a title. I know. However, that is exactly what this is going to be for me. A true journey. One that will take me from one place to another. It will be difficult Im sure. There will be lots of tears. I will want to quit. I won't want to continue at times. I will question myself. I'll get angry. I won't follow the rules.
That all being said, I AM COMMITTED TO THIS! All of the above will happen. I expect that. I also expect all the great changes! I will be healthier! I will be able to be more active! I will feel less tired! I will be happier! I will have more confidence!
What the hell is this crazy woman talking about? I have chosen to have a Lap Band procedure done. You may or may not have heard of this. It is a surgical procedure to divide my stomach into a small pouch at the top, and the larger pouch at the bottom. Forming that small pouch at the top is a band that surrounds the stomach. This band can be made tighter or looser depending on the need. Having a small pouch will make me feel full! I will eat much much less, and I can successfully lose weight!
Whoa!!!! SURGERY!!?? Come on now. Just stop eating so much and get on a darn treadmill! Those were exactly my thoughts several years ago when I heard about these kinds of surgeries. Well I did that. I stopped eating. I did get on a treadmill and got active outside. I ate healthy. Very healthy. I was successful. Very successful..............for a short period of time. Then I gained it all back and more. I played this game several times. I lost weight. I felt great. I said I would never go back to where I was again. Then I started gaining it all back and back and back.
So here I am. Just about 100 pounds more than I was in high school.
I weigh 253 pounds. That sentence was just very difficult for me to write. I am embarrassed. I am ashamed. I can't believe I allowed myself to get here. Pause here........this is a big step for me. I have not admitted my weight to anyone but my doctor and my husband. Ill say it again. I am embarrassed and ashamed. It is a terrible way to feel every day.
So, I made a difficult choice. I chose to stop this. I could have kept pretending it didn't bother me. I could have continued to try to lose the weight by myself. But, Im tired! I'm tired physically and emotionally. I want/NEED to be healthy.
This is a serious surgery. It is very safe and quite simple according to my surgeon. However, anytime surgery is performed there is a risk. The biggest risk being death. I have had surgeries in the past. Many, actually. But they were all necessary. I really didn't have much of an option not to have them. This time it is completely by choice. So that choice was a very difficult one to make. Do I risk death( teeny tiny infintismal chance) for health? You say...geez this crazy woman is melodramatic too...its just surgery. And I agree with you. But as all you parents know, it's always about your kids. Is this a chance Im willing to take for my kids? Can I knowingly put myself in a potentially dangerous situation for a purely optional choice.
I choose yes. I have to. Not doing it puts me at more risk for health problems.
I have just started this process. I had my initial visit with my surgeon and my initial nutritional consult as well. I have a lot of steps to go before the surgery. The pre surgery process takes 4-6 months.
So here I am. 34 years old. 253 pounds. High blood pressure. Sore joints. A bit depressed.
Not where I want to be. I have my children to think of. I have myself to think of. I want to be healthy and this is the road/journey I have chosen. Ill be blogging this each step of the way. So come along and cry with me, laugh with me, yell and stomp your feet, throw a few dishes across the room! Mostly, celebrate with me, because through it all I will be travelling toward a healthier me. It will be interesting, I'm sure of that. I will need a lot of support. I expect it to be hard. I'm willing to put in the work.
Please feel free to ask me lots of questions.