Frustrated

 I've been having a lot of trouble getting myself ready to start.  I've been eating horribly :o(  Then of course I wonder if I am ready to do this.  If I can't get my butt in gear and take care of myself now, what makes me think I will do it when the time for surgery comes?

I know that I didnt get where I am by succeeding at doing this in the past.  I failed many many times dieting.  So what makes this time different?  This time I'm signing on for a major life change.   So  I need to get going and start taking myself more seriously.  

I have done one thing that I feel is great progress.   No soda in about a week now!!!  That was big for me.  I really didn't realize how much of the stuff I was drinking.  I've found a great sugar free drink that I actually like :o)  Yeah for me on that!! 

I made my appointment for my psych evaluation as well.  That comes up next Thursday!  It is required before surgery.  They really want to make sure that you are doing it for the right reasons and that you are ready for this huge change.  So of course I can and will bring up all my frustrations and questions of whether I will succeed or not with her.  The one thing that I'm doing different this time around is I am being completely open and honest with everyone.  No more pussy footing around.  No saying "yeah no problem, I am ready"  or "of course I know I will do well" 

I question myself every day.  I keep thinking what will make me succeed this time?  What will be different?  Do I have it in me to do this and do it right? 

I think the answer is yes!  Or I wouldnt be here.  I think that I have a lot of support, from family and friends and the entire team at the Bariatric Clinic.  I think that I will be open and honest and make people aware of my frustrations and nervousness.  In that way I can let them help me to succeed. 

So my next steps coming up are
         Go to support groups- I need to go to 3 of these as part of the pre surgery program.  This will also be a great place to bring up my concerns.  There will be people who have had the surgery and people who are gettting ready for it as well.  I think it will be very beneficial.
         Sign up for my meeting with the excercise guy-  He will meet with me and get me on a program that works for me!  He works with all of the bariatric patients who go through this clinic.  I know I will feel more comfortable with him than I would with anyone else.  I have always felt so intimidated at gyms in the past.  It's hard to put myself out there in all my glory, sweating and panting and looking like a drowned rat that just tried to swim across the Mississippi.  Knowing that many have gone before me with him, and many are doing it now will help.
         Meet with Megan the nutritionist again-  I havent done everything she told me to do yet.  Im working on getting myself together.  It's been very frustrating.  But I will be open and honest and let her know where Im having trouble and what I need help with instead of just trying to get through it by myself.

So its been a rough couple of weeks.  I knew it wouldnt be easy.  I knew I would hit these bumps in the road.  I just need to keep pushing forward.  Which I will do!